His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We got so high we made milksteak
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
