he shaved USA in his pubs
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
