i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
