me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
