3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
