they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
