I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
