I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
