i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
