i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
