dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
