I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
