So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
