I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
