These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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