i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I FOUND THE LEGS
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