dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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