Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
