I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
