My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i already hear my dad disowning me
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
