Pappa wants mamma naked
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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