We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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