My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
