physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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