we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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