i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
