Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize