what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
