if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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