my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I am spending my child support on dildos
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
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