Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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