I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
