Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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