Do you still have your period?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
