I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
