Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
