If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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