if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
