Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
