I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dick very happy bro
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
