i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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