she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
