well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
