I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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