You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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