You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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