My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
