And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
