I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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