I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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