I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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