It's Friday. Sex?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
