Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
