listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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