she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize