..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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