p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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