Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
