Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
