you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
