I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
