just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Operation Purity has been aborted
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize