It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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