Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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