Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
