A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
