Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
