I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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