I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
