Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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