How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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