RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
