dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
