He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
