Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
