It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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