where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Randomize
