dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
