is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Vodka?
Forever.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
