i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
