Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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