i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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