She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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