So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
