Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
