Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just pee around me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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