If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You took a bar mat shot.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
