Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
